I'm a Whore for Free Stuff

I *just* found out about this contest from Mabel's Labels to write a blog with the hypothetical situation of what I would do if I found out that an electrical storm was going to wipe out the internet in the next 24 hours. I'm supposed to write about having only 24 hours to write about my passions, but all I can think about is my banking. If the internet was wiped out, I would be screwed for my internet banking! The following is a letter to Rogers, my iPhone service provider, whose bill I just received.

To whom it may concern in the great world at Rogers Telecommunications,

I just received my monthly Rogers Wireless statement; as always, thank you for your prompt and timely delivery! As you can see by my records, I pay my invoice online via online banking; however, the approaching electrical apocalypse is imminent and I understand that this will no longer be an acceptable method. That being said, the actual existence of my iPhone is also in peril. Without internet, I will be unable to obsessively check my e-mail, Facebook and Twitter accounts on my precious iPhone as the 3G network will cease to exist and as such, I write requesting a credit to my account.

You will note a significant rise in the lowering of my quality of life without knowing what @spambot is doing every 5 minutes and without knowing who the guy I kissed at that party in 10th grade is currently dating. The terms and conditions I signed up for are in violation and without knowing whether they will be restored, I cannot in good faith provide payment for this month's service.

If a credit is not available, please replace my 3-year contract with a 10-year subscription to Chatelaine magazine. It's not great, but in terms of Canadian women's magazines, it'll do.

Sincerely,
Jessica